Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
