I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
