Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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