So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
