I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
