why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
FUCK WHALES
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
