You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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