I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
