Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is Oprah even human
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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