that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
