watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
