Whats the glycemic index on semen?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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