I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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