Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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