we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
