Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
