I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
