The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
