I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
