yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
