How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
