yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
