Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
