the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
