Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
