Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
