She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
