I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
