i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize