He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
