I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
