I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
