so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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