You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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