doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
