yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
