can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
