my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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