If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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