im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
