if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
