Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
