Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
