I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
