i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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