Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
