i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
