Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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