peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
