can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
