yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
