brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
