Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
