I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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