So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
