You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
