kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My vagina just clenched in fear
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
