My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
