you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
do nipples grow back?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
