She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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