Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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