I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
