Barsexuality is the new black.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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