He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
