but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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