woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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