I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
