and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
